My Story? What Story?

As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure I know what that really means, but I do have this feeling that I don't live in the now for probably 99% of my time. The possibility of learning how to produce miracles was not enough temptation to make me go though a long course from a huge book with way too many daily practices that didn't manage to retain my attention for more than a few chapters. The power of my intentions often leaves to be desired (obviously), and happiness is an art I partially understand but certainly haven't been able to completely master. I also find that, rather than chicken soup for the soul, what I really could use is some soup for the chicken soul. **

And I can tell you right now you'll never catch me walking on hot coals in an attempt to prove that I believe in myself, because what I believe is that, unless I'm really able to buy into some powerful mass trance (or hysteria) at the time, I'll end up with charred feet. I'm in love with the whole quantum reality theory thing, but I have no practical knowledge on how the bleep to really work it in my favor. And when I tried following systems such as the seven spiritual laws or how to grow younger and live longer, I found the whole processes extremely involved and hard to incorporate into my lifestyle; I kept thinking that, for this much trouble, I might as well save some money and go to Brazil for some excellent plastic surgery at a very reasonable cost instead (at the least the outside would be looking good). Etc. I could go on practically forever, but I'll spare you in the hopes that I've made my point. ***

I sucked at meditation and pretty much every spiritual practice I tried for the longest time. Recently, I've been able to reach a kind of conscious trance on a more regular basis during meditation since the cellular release therapy session and workshop I attended a few months ago (more about this under My Background - Career). However, I still have never achieved the state I intellectually recognize as Enlightenment, which is called by various names depending on different cultures and religions, but which means some kind of ecstatic revelation. At least, I don't think I have achieved it. I'm pretty much assuming this is like an orgasm; I would know if I had one. Of course, probably as most everyone else, I've had glimpses of it, moments of feeling intense connection and blissful love in total presence (which always leave me wanting more).