Leave Me Alone;
I'm Trying!!!

Ideally, of course, we should all be able to observe without attachment or judgment; but, realistically, how many of us can really do that on a regular basis? Or want to, for that matter? So, more often than not, observers sit there reinforcing the current reality, while visionaries change it. I'd rather aim at becoming a visionary.

Obviously, I have a healthy-sized ego. So it also bothers me that so many New Age trends of thought revolve around the destruction of the Ego as the only way to free ourselves and reach our true core. And here's the funny thing about this: some of the very same people who are against ego and claim they don't have any happen to have some of the biggest egos I've ever encountered. Well, I happen to think that if we came to this earth packing one of those, it's there for a good reason. Having a strong sense of identity and individualism can be a good thing. The ego helps us build a sense of self, keep our destructive behaviors in check, create boundaries, and survive. The ego is only as dangerous as how we apply it. When we don't have a healthy ego and that part of us is allowed to take over, that's when we're in for trouble. Until we learn. But blaming everything on the existence of the ego is similar to saying that it's the ax's fault when it's used by an ax murderer. Same thing with the ego; it can be a great tool when used properly, in moderation and balanced with our heart, inner voice, higher self, or whatever you'd like to call it. So, if you don't mind, I'll be keeping mine, thank you very much.

I've been told by many, many masters and gurus that we are supposed to find our answers within. But I kept knocking within and most of the times nobody was home! Which made me feel like an unwanted, unexpected guest of my own gut. Because of my attempts and persistence to find my path, though, I guess the Universe keeps trying to help by putting amazing beings on my path. These people are quite inspirational, and some of them seem to have been born with the capacity to feel happy and understand what I've been trying to through a lot of studying, reading and stuff. However, although I do feel grateful for their presence and example, sometimes I can't help but feel frustrated at the fact that they seem to have been born with the answers, without having to find them the hard way. These people get it so easily, and they are all happy and positive all the time. I mean, how annoying is that?

Yes, I have to admit that on occasion I have suffered from Enlightenment-envy. The most recent incident happened when a close friend of mine pretty much got herself enlightened without even trying.